I read a blog post from Rachel Macy Stafford author and creator of Hands Free Mama. She used the analogy of insects to compare ways of being in the world. It highlighted how some children are like fireflies, they shine quietly from within. It really touched me. I have one of those children, quiet, introspective, and thoughtful. While I do love the butterfly children of the world, it is important to recognize the quieter ones and see their gifts. There is space for everyone.
As I raise my son, I find myself reviewing a lot of the ways I was raised. One thing that I would have liked was to be told what was precious about me.
In my latest offering I give parents and children this gift of connection. Parents are invited to say what they treasure about their children and pair this quote with their favorite images from their portrait session.
There is nothing sweeter than holding the soft innocent hand of your child.
Together. Simple. Pleasure.
I am hoping those days don't end, but they might.
Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. -ergens gelezen
I don't think we are ever prepared for the kinds of demands that parenting puts on us, at least I had NO idea. Sure people say its hard, but do you really believe them or have a sense of what that means?
This morning my son was pushing it. He was stalling and kept demanding one more thing before we left the house. I knew I needed to hold the line. I did. He melted down and got SO angry. I was able to, this time, watch him scream and yell. I then could feel and remember how I felt the very same way when I was a child. IN A RAGE. I hated my parents because I thought they made me feel this inside. What a gift it was to let him have the emotion and to remember myself in his shoes.
The truth is, its kind of scary to feel all that. When we are abandoned or shamed about our emotions they head underground to a safe albeit inaccessible place. We need access to our feelings.
I felt proud after this. I did it. Good job Mama. He collapsed into my arms after maybe a minute of raging. He returned to himself, spent his fury.
I have to credit the regular emails from Dr. Laura Markham of Aha! Parenting for this skill. I have cultivated it for years. Every week she guides me and encourages me to always choose love. Thank you Dr. Laura!
The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to go sharper.
The beauty of children is that they are so fresh and can open our eyes to the everyday magic all around us. If we can slow down enough, they can open our eyes too!
What magic has your child helped you see?
Love is the Only Truth
There is an intersection that holds me at the center. The past and future generation behind and in front of me. I am suspended in the present. The pinpoint in time I rest on is apparent. Past, present, future converge in me.
I feel my grief at having had needs as a child. The feelings passed on to me surface. How can I have needs? I should be ashamed of myself, how dare I? My son should be ashamed of himself. Really? No. Absolutely not. I made myself wrong because my parents made me wrong because their parents made them wrong.
So here come the waves of grief, the understanding that I wasn’t wrong, the letting go of unrealistic expectations of myself. Expressed grief is like a salve for the past. The waves wash over my heart and make the truth apparent. Love is the only truth.
The access to the ocean of love is bigger today. The feelings my son is allowed to have have more space because I have space for myself.
This is the greatest gift in parenting.